


wrestle it out with your bare hands

by CallicoKitten



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst and stuff, M/M, Post-Movie(s), im glad im not the only one who wants these idiots to bone, its another oh no feelings story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-30
Updated: 2015-12-30
Packaged: 2018-05-10 10:29:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5582235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CallicoKitten/pseuds/CallicoKitten
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He hopes, if only for his own preservation, that is just as meaningless to Ren as it is to him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	wrestle it out with your bare hands

**Author's Note:**

> so finally a movie with a perfect ot3 containing not one white guy and i come out shipping the ginger space nazi and darth emo pants 
> 
> who is surprised not me 
> 
> of course the title is from siken isn't it always

At first, Hux tells himself that Ren is the afterthought in their equation. Ren is the outlier, the liability, the one there to add pomp and intrigue to the First Order. He and his Knights are the flashy fighters but Hux and his men do all the real work.

If there is an expendable one between the two of them it is Ren. Ren who thrives on chaos and is just as liable to burn himself out as he is to burn anyone of use.

But Hux knows none of that is true. He may have clawed his way up from the bottom, attained such a high position at such a young age using his father's name but mostly his own wits but no matter how accomplished he is, how intelligent and driven, there will always be other commanders to be found. There will always be someone who can do his job.

Ren though, Ren is one of a kind and Hux _hates_ it.

Why is Ren - a spoilt, arrogant child without an _ounce_ of self-control - gifted with powers of legend? Genetics, Hux knows, pure and simple but it does not stop him from thinking it dreadfully _unfair_ in his weaker moments.

Ren is weak, Ren is more out of control than he is in it and yet he is the one so much of Snoke's hopes rest on. He is their champion, however undeserving he may be.

And he does not know how they go from fighting - Hux biting out insults until Ren throws him across the room, chokes him until he blacks out) to rutting against each other mindlessly. To biting into each other's mouths and pressing bruises into each other's hips, (Ren holding him down with the force, pinning his wrists above his head, making him feel small and powerless and _oh -_ )

Snoke is aware of their little trysts, Hux is sure, there is nothing that man seems not to see and it is intriguing that he has not demanded they stop. It puts all sort of dark little thoughts into Hux's mind, that Snoke has put Ren up to this, that Snoke is allowing this to continue to use as he sees fit against one or both of them.

Though that would imply that this is anything more than stress relief for either of them. For Hux's part he is certain he could do without Ren, he is certain that if Snoke demanded it there is nothing he would miss.

But, unfortunately, it is far more likely that Snoke intends to use Hux against Ren and Ren is the kind of man who would make a simple distraction into something more. Ren is the kind of man who feels deeply. Whether he feels _at all_ towards Hux is another matter, though and for all his protests, Hux finds himself wondering about it often.

There are no quiet moments between the two of them, no moments where Hux can openly study Ren's expression, as soon as they are done he slides on his helmet. As soon as they are done they both leave. There are no lingering touches, no promises.

He hopes, if only for his own preservation, that is just as meaningless to Ren as it is to him.

-

He finds Ren easily amongst the snow and trees and is ever thankful for the fact that Ren does not seem to have noticed the small tracking device Hux installed on his belt.

Ren is still and pale and his helmet is nowhere to be seen. Hux, at first, feels he should avert his eyes - he has not seen Ren's face so open and vulnerable before. Has not seen it at all outside of their indiscretions in darkened rooms before today.

There is a large burn across it and Ren's dark clothes are soaked through with blood and snow.

He nudges Ren carefully with his foot. If he is dead, Snoke will not be pleased.

If he is dead -

Ren lets out a hiss of pain, his eyes snap open, unfocused and dazed, "Where is _she_?" he demands.

Hux bends to crouch beside him, waves the men behind him to spread out and do a quick search. The scavenger girl and her friends are long gone, he does not doubt but it does not hurt to be sure. He gently extracts Ren's lightsabre from his loose grip and pockets it.

He is _not_ going to be held accountable if they leave it behind.

Ren tries to sit up, red spatters onto the ground behind him, "She - " Ren's face is contorted in a kind of anguished fury and Hux can _feel_ the force magic hanging in the air around them, hot and heavy and strangely metallic. Ren could kill them all if he were so inclined.

It is oddly _thrilling._

" _I -_ " Ren says, but whatever he was about to say is lost in a wince of pain.

"Gave a stunning performance, I'm sure," Hux mutters, he lifts Ren anyway because there is no telling what Ren will do if anyone else tries it. "An untrained nobody from nowhere taking down Snoke's own apprentice."

Ren growls and thrashes and if he were at a fraction of his full strength, Hux knows, he would have crushed Hux's windpipe by now.

"And _you_ fared better, did you?" Ren hisses, spattering red across Hux's face. " _Your_ men were _powerless_ against the pitiful forces the Resistance sent!" His breath hitches and he lets out a low hiss of pain.

Hux rolls his eyes, "Don't injure yourself further, Ren. And please, try to stop bleeding all over my uniform."

Ren snarls and Hux feels something brush against his throat. "Yes, choking the man carrying you off a crumbling planet is a _marvellous_ idea." He mutters.

Ren makes a wordless noise of pain and fury.

-

He has Ren treating in his private quarters, mostly because the ship's med-bay is currently full but also because the last thing he needs is Ren waking up and throwing a force tantrum before Hux can derail it.

(It is not because Hux cannot stop thinking about Ren lying pale and still and bloody in the snow, about Ren's face contorted in pain, about the spatters of blood, bright and warm against the white. It is not because he feels more grounded typing out reports and looking over death figures with Ren behind him as opposed to on the other side of the ship.

It is _not._ )

As it stands, when Ren finally blinks awake he is quiet and still. If he were not force-sensitive, not the most powerful person Hux has ever met (not that he will _ever_ admit that) Hux would say he is in shock.

Hux stops working and crosses the room, stands over Ren's bed. Ren is shirtless, most of his torso obscured by bandages. He looks very small out of his robes.

"Snoke wants you to report in as soon as we get back to base," Hux informs him coolly. "You are to _complete_ your training, apparently." Hux does not want to know what that entails. Does not want to think about it.

Ren does not respond, he seems to be having difficulty working out what Hux just said, untangling it's meaning. Then there is a flash of what is unmistakably fear across his features. Fear and pain and sorrow. Hux looks away.

"I killed him," Ren says faintly.

"Killed _who_?" Hux snaps because he is really, really not in the mood to be babysitting right now.

"The girl in the woods," Ren is rambling now, eyes glassy. "She's stronger than me." He says it quietly, in an awed sort of whisper that tugs at Hux in ways he resolutely Does Not Like.

He looks down at Ren properly, notes the way the hair at his forehead is curled with sweat. The gash on his face will scar _hideously_ but that is doing nothing to stop the way Hux's chest unfurls a sickening warmth whenever he looks down at Ren's face.

He drags a chair over to Ren's bedside, sits down in it heavily. "Don't let Snoke hear you say that," he says softly.

Ren's eyes focus on him, "Yeah," he agrees.

They are both failures in Snoke's eyes. At least Ren can rest safely in the knowledge that he is irreplaceable. The same cannot be said for Hux. He reaches out before he can stop himself, lays a hand atop the bandages that cover Ren's chest, feels the rise and fall.

Hux has never given a name to what transpires between them when no one is looking. It has never, though, been a thing born of tenderness, never been soft, always been harsh and dark and full of _want_ and _need_ and left him with bruises and bite marks and a deep desire for _more._ This, he tells himself, is not tenderness but it is not _that_ either. It is reassurance. It is a simple gesture of solidarity and it will be fleeting, he tells himself.

But then Ren is leaning into the touch (as much as he can anyway) and his eyes are fluttering shut and he sighs with such _contentment_ that Hux finds his hand wandering up, gently, gently, cupping Ren's cheek, brushing back those curled locks from his forehead, lingering on the slightly fevered warmth.

" _Kylo_ ," the name slips out before he can stop it, wrecked and wretched and rasped. He is _aching_ , practically quivering with relief.

Kylo's uninjured arm shifts, his hand coming up to cover Hux's.

If Hux were a weaker man, if he were anyone but who he is, if Kylo were anyone but who he was, if they were _anyone_ and _anywhere_ else, Hux would have flopped, boneless and limp onto Kylo. Pressed his face into the side of Kylo's neck, placed a hand above his heart and lain there feeling the steady thump, thump, thump until his head stopped spinning, until his chest stopped feeling so tight.

They both could have died there, Kylo alone and bloody in the snow until the planet crumbled beneath him, Hux in the explosion. But Hux would not have minded that, he thinks. He would have died doing his duty and though death was not at all an appealing prospect it was something he could not escape.

The thought though, of leaving without Kylo, of finding him too late, that makes his stomach churn.

"You could have left me," Kylo says, his thumb is tracing lazy patterns on the back of Hux's hand.

And Hux could have. It would have been easy, at first. He could have lied, told Snoke they had not been able to locate Kylo before the planet was destroyed but Snoke would have seen through it and Hux shudders at the thought. He has not felt Snoke's power, has not had the man toy with him and make him scream that way Kylo made Dameron scream and he thinks that is somehow worse. If he had felt Snoke's wrath before he would be able to steel himself to it.

But the thought had not crossed his mind until Kylo had already been aboard his ship.

It was obedience. It must have been. Plain and simple, he had his orders, he followed them. There was no room for thought or questions.

It had nothing to do with _this_.

"I had my orders," Hux says sharply. He yanks his hand back and stands.

For a moment, Ren looks disappointed, then his expression is flat once more, "As you say, _General._ "

-

They land at the base and Hux wants nothing more than to fall into a dreamless sleep and wake up a few days ago, when Ren was merely a distraction, not a constant _tug_ in Hux's chest.

Their shoulders brush as they stand before Snoke, no longer a towering hologram but just as intimidating. Ren is helmetless now, baring his scars for all to see and it is something that perplexes Hux. Scars should give a man more reason to hide himself away, not less and there is something different in the way Ren is holding himself. He is curled to one side a little, his wounds not yet healed, but he seems calmer. Less volatile.

Hux has not seen him so collected since those first few early encounters. It's rather unnerving and he cannot help but steal glances at Ren as they give their reports, as Snoke berates them.

Eventually, Snoke dismisses Ren, tells him to rest up for the rest of his training. At that, Ren clenches his jaw and nods curtly, "Yes, Master." He leaves without a backward glance and Hux cannot prevent himself glancing over his shoulder.

He swallows thickly when he turns back to see Snoke's smirk. Of course, Snoke knows. Has always known. But Hux does not flinch back from whatever awaits him, he does not show an inch of weakness (though he is _weak,_ Ren has made him _weak_ and now it is so painfully _obvious_.

He is a _disgrace._ )

"My, my," Snoke purrs. "It seems you have found yourself in quite the predicament, General."

Hux says nothing. It seems the safest course of action.

"You are dismissed," Snoke says after a moment of quiet consideration.

Hux nods, clenches his fists, "As you say, sir."

He marches, ramrod straight to his quarters, does not allow himself to stop for breath until he gets there. He takes a few deep, shuddering breaths, carefully rearranges his features into something neutral, something that will strike fear into the hearts and minds of anyone who dares to cross him today and goes back to work.

**Author's Note:**

> i just keep thinking about kylo's possible redemption and him going to the light side and KNOWING HUX WILL PROBABLY NEVER FOLLOW HIM GOD MY HEART
> 
> alternatively: they both say fuck this and retire to a shitty planet somewhere to argue and bang in privacy


End file.
